Recently on “hold off, So is this a romantic date?” we’re joined by Autostraddle tradition publisher and my personal flirting champion
Shelli Nicole
! Our very own primary subject this week is matchmaking via Instagram so we go into the particulars of the thing that was chosen by a jury of me to be the best queer dating application.

Shelli shares her knowledge and confidence. I express my personal knowledge and neuroses. And Christina is actually a really apt student — and class clown. And begin you off we play a-game of warning flag, a personal attack on me.


PROGRAM RECORDS

+ Speaking of warning flags, i believe concerning this price from

BoJack Horseman

everyday:

+ Let me reveal
Shelli’s essay
about her cellphone that continues to leave myself in admiration.

+ this is my personal crazy quarantine
Instagram article
that worked exceptionally well. (She ended up being a Libra.)

+
My personal Kesha ballad playlist
!!

+
The single
Shelli pointed out by Lex Amor.



PS:



Did you hear?
We were profiled in VOGUE [DOT] my lol com



Shelli:

Easily have always been hanging out with some body and I also’m posting — particularly if i understand that We uploaded one thing in which I look brilliant that day, therefore mean it has been up right here for four hours and I’ve been scrolling plus small butt has not looked over it however? Just what are you carrying out?


Theme track plays


Drew:

Hi, I Am Drew.


Christina:

I’m Christina.


Drew:

And thank you for visiting

Wait, Is This a Date?


Christina:


Wait, So Is This a Date?

is actually an Autostraddle podcast about online dating.


Drew:

In which we ask practical question, “Wait, so is this a date?”


Christina:

Like, so is this a date?


Drew:

It really is an essential question when you look at the queer area, I think.


Christina:

It’s a question that individuals’re maybe not inquiring adequate, some might state. I think research have, research tend to be hot, and they are stating, “do not understand. We simply don’t know.” Drew, you wish to inform the individuals who you really are?


Drew:

My name is Drew Gregory, i am an author for Autostraddle and I also’m a filmmaker, and that I’m a trans lady, and a lesbian, and a dyke, and a faggot.


Christina:

Which is just thus tight. I’m Christina Tucker, Im additionally an author at Autostraddle. I am sort of like a deranged queer using the internet. Enjoyment, I recently learned that I’m not sure how-to lace upwards boots, which was some thing we discovered myself personally nowadays. Really a fun journey to be on. I additionally are a lesbian, i’m a Black lesbian. Also particular a faggot, let’s be honest.


Drew:

A whole lot therefore.


Christina:

Like let’s be honest, let’s be honest. Was I listening to a real time type of “forever” like three mere seconds before we hopped onto this recording? No one can state needless to say. There is proof excluding the photograph we delivered Drew, but there is no evidence of it.


Drew:

Yeah, I was browsing say, i could state needless to say. I’m able to state definitely.


Christina:

Reasonable enough. Do you wish to play a casino game, Drew?


Drew:

Oh my God, i might love to perform a-game.


Christina:

Okay, so this game — we had a very targeted online game at myself the other day.


Drew:

It really is correct.


Christina:

That was extremely enjoyable, so we believed you have to focus on Drew.


Drew:

Oh son.


Christina:

And this is called “Red Flags.” And so I’m planning explain a conversation, slightly circumstance, a person, a second in Drew’s matchmaking, and I also’m only planning to offer you, we’re only gonna read this small union and there’s going to end up being a few warning flag that can come up, and then we’re going to see just what could be the warning sign which makes Drew state, “I’m out, i eventually got to call-it.”


Drew:

Okay.


Christina:

I think it will happen. I’m curious observe with regards to can happen.


Drew:

When You Look At The context, I’ll allow you to start, if I need much more context I’ll—


Christina:

No, should you, no I’m sure you want context just what framework would you like? Because i’ve some it, jot it.


Drew:

Needs everything.


Christina:

You want everything, okay. And that means you happened to be on an online dating software, it doesn’t matter which. The truth is a hot woman, you’re like, “Yeah, that’s the things I like.” She actually is had gotten an effective bio, it’s brief, it is concise, all of you paired, she messages you right-away. You are currently into that. Everyone’s surprised. You have got good banter and she requests the wide variety and texts and right away says, “Do you want to meet for a glass or two this monday?” Whoa, this is certainly hot. This is hot things. You guys hook up, the vibes are fantastic. Listed here is the first red flag, she uses the phrase “wanderlust” in true to life.


Drew:

I am going to say that I’m going to stay on this time because i’ve remained on dates with folks which check-out Burning Man. So, let us ensure that it stays going.


Christina:

Why don’t we ensure that it it is going. She actually is an Aquarius.


Drew:

Okay. Oh, which is another red-flag.


Christina:

You are however in. Ok last one, we are only planning to hit red flags today.


Drew:

I am truthfully not frightened of these anyway. Which, its a red-flag in the same way so it must certanly be a warning sign for my situation because my personal mommy’s an Aquarius, my personal ex is actually an Aquarius, that they had the exact same birthday celebration, a lot to unpack here. You will find mentioned that i might be performed with Aquariuses, but while doing so, We clearly like Aquariuses, very.


Christina:

Okay, so weare going to keep moving on. Yeah, which is great.


Drew:

Hold off, wait, i’ve a question. Really, maybe you’ll arrive at this, but what is actually the lady precise birthday? It’s not—


Christina:

I did not compensate a defined birthday because of this individual.


Drew:

Okay, cool, as long as it isn’t February fourth.


Christina:

It is not, and that I did know this about you and I also was actually trying to recall your own mom’s birthday, but I imagined if I texted you, that might be a red-flag within our friendship and this also podcast tracking. So I didn’t accomplish that.


Drew:

Okay, carry on.


Christina:

She covers the girl ex not continuous, but a decent amount for an initial day.


Drew:

I have been truth be told there. Yeah, that is great.


Christina:

Okay, that is great. Now we are going to move forward. We’ve eliminated past go out one. You stated day you’re great. The audience is in, let’s say day three today.


Drew:

Okay.


Christina:

You’ve not slept collectively however, that does feel crucial that you state, but based just how today’s day goes, perchance you will.


Drew:

Have we generated away?


Christina:

You have certainly produced on.


Drew:

Okay.


Christina:

You are not ten years outdated, come-on now.


Drew:

We have surely already been on very first dates where we did not write out, but that is cool yeah.


Christina:

We said third date, so…


Drew:

Oh correct, ok. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.


Christina:

She tells you that she doesn’t obviously have work approximately she’s only wealthy and looking for motivation, wherever she will find it.


Drew:

Okay, so this surely pushes me personally towards like, I’m dropping interest, but I’m going to stay on the day.


Christina:

You’re stay on the go out?


Drew:

Yeah.


Christina:

That will be fantastic. The following red flag, she lets you know, once again, on go out three, that she’s got not missed a Coachella nor a Burning Man since she had been 17.


Drew:

I will be back at my solution the doorway, although not actually.


Christina:

Okay, okay.


Drew:

I’ve decided that I am not probably have sexual intercourse because of this person.


Christina:

You are simply — okay you have determined you aren’t going have sex.


Drew:

But i am still probably remain.


Christina:

You aren’t going to immediately get fully up and leave?


Drew:

Correct.


Christina:

Therefore here’s next question next, will you, after this date is over after it obviously concludes, might you follow-up?


Drew:

Just how am I doing mentally within my existence?


Christina:

Really Drew, that i just cannot answer for you, bitch.


Drew:

I’m going to say perhaps not, but part of me personally wants to determine if you really have another base, the following point you’re state is, is perhaps, really.


Christina:

Okay, thus had you perhaps not chose after wealthy and merely looking.


Drew:

Listed here is finished .. When someone was to each and every Coachella and Burning Man and was slightly less insistent about this — oahu is the dedication to, “i possibly could never skip this,” combined with the, “I’m simply rich plus don’t have a career.”


Christina:

Yeah Drew, we made a nightmare for you.


Drew:

Yeah.


Christina:

That’s what I found myself doing, that has been the intention.


Drew:

I just do not want those who have visited Coachella, I really don’t want them feeling — or Burning Man even — adore it’s good, I’m not judging you. I just, anyhow—


Christina:

Im slightly.


Drew:

Okay, fantastic. What is the next thing, that which was the next thing you used to be browsing say?


Christina:

Very think about subsequently, you did not keep that big date, perchance you slept collectively. Perchance you performed.


Drew:

Okay.


Christina:

What if you are like 30 days into this and she is an individual who only doesn’t react to texts for an entire 2 days occasionally after which reappears without any description?


Drew:

Oh see, which is great. That could get myself, that will generate myself, that will drive me personally nuts and I also will be engrossed.


Christina:

And that is the thing that you would certainly be into, certain. Okay. So say you have been dating for three several months and she lets you know she’s never browse what you’ve composed?


Drew:

Ooh, that is interesting. I simply have no idea how exactly we would get there because i am a little bit obnoxious and I feel there are plenty of occasions in which i will be having a conversation with some one and get want, “Oh, really I published a piece relating to this. I can send it to you personally if you would like know.” So like, I Assume—


Christina:

Yes, i understand that about yourself, as it happens.


Drew:

So it means that like, did she lay when it comes to checking out all of them? Did she simply state, “Oh, I’ll read it,” and I also failed to followup because I’m not that ridiculous? I would personally say… however if I’ve been internet dating this person for a few months, there is plenty otherwise taking place there psychologically that like — because I really don’t date folks for a few several months. I either continue two times with some one or I have outdated all of them for some time, so there must be something’s really special here. Therefore I do not think — i believe I wouldn’t will 90 days with this particular person.


Christina:

No, I don’t believe you’ll either. I simply wanted to see what you’ll respond to that certain. The last any I Got was actually that you were internet dating for 6 months and she came across your family and she turned into super close with these people and started hanging out with all of them without letting you know, and I also was like, that is like—


Drew:

Yeah, that will never occur.


Christina:

Too far.


Drew:

Unless she had been a straight woman in some way, so then…


Christina:

Well, crazier things have taken place, Drew.


Drew:

That would be the greatest red flag of.


Christina:

In my opinion this is truly beneficial. I believe something’s enjoyable about both of the games that we’ve played for each and every other, is the fact that the a couple of us were want, “Ooh, but I wanted some context, like what’s going on inside my life that i am creating such selections?” And That Is fundamentally perhaps not a portion of the video game that we’re carrying out, but…


Drew:

Nevertheless now it really is.


Christina:

Today really, today its.


Drew:

Very yeah.


Christina:

And from now on we are able to mention all of our main topic, which I believe will likely be truly fascinating, largely in my situation as an individual who doesn’t do that which we’re planning to go over. And everything we’re planning to talk about is quite DM moving, Instagram matchmaking.


Drew:

Yeah.


Christina:

All those things form of fun hoe crap.


Drew:

Insta Story related internet dating? I’m also thrilled. I actually do do this thing a large number, but I am thrilled because i will study from a specialized, our very own guest, Shelli Nicole.


Christina:

Our guest, Shelli, i recently want every person to place their unique arms together for Shelli Nicole. Ah, the competition goes wild.


Shelli:

Wait, could I chat now?


Drew:

Yeah.


Christina:

Yeah, completely.


Drew:

You should introduce yourself, Shelli?


Christina:

You need to tell us about yourself? Reveal who you really are, tell us what your package is.


Shelli:

Yeah. Okay, yeah. My personal price, my personal bargain. I’m Shelli, Im society Editor at Autostraddle, independent author elsewhere, extremely dyke, really afraid of mermaids, youngsters, and mermaids that are young adults in specific. So yeah, which is my small sweet bargain. I’m very hot.


Christina:

Can verify.


Drew:

Certainly, can verify.


Shelli:

Thank you so much.


Christina:

Famously an audio method, but i simply wish to confirm your audience.


Shelli:

Precisely why we threw that around, just in case. I do want to take all of them in. Yeah, but that is me personally.


Christina:

Yeah, positively. We are very excited for you on in order to explore this, because again, it is not anything i actually do. I am aware its a thing that Drew does. I’m sure this is certainly a Drew activity. Thus possibly we must begin here. It never ever feels as though an excellent really serious hobby, it feels like a fun time hobby, a lot more than a what’s truly likely to arrive with this knowledge. Thus, sort of speak with me personally regarding what happens in the DM slides and also the Instagram tales therefore the social media you kids are jibber jabbering in regards to, we’ll just be grandpa over here.


Shelli:

Drew, would you like to get 1st?


Drew:

Oh, well personally i think like we possibly acknowledge this, correct me basically’m incorrect, but i do believe Instagram is the better queer internet dating app.


Shelli:

A thousand per cent. This is the finest.


Christina:

You will find heard this from other queers.


Shelli:

Completely. It offers you virtually everything required, unless of course another person’s private, but even if you’re private, infant, We’ll uncover exactly about you in a few kind of means. Adore it is the better.


Drew:

Wait, I want to notice more and more that. I wish to hear more about that because that’s like my — I am not sure what direction to go. When individuals tend to be personal in addition they struck on me personally. I’m like, I can’t do just about anything with you. Like, sorry.


Shelli:

Exactly what do you prefer us to do with this specific? So typically 50percent of that time once I stumble upon a person who’s exclusive on their main page, in their bio they often have actually an internet site . or they have an at to whatever they do IRL. Lately, this took place literally maybe two days back, this cook hottie slid within my DMs, and I had been want, “Great, Really don’t make, you’re very hot, why don’t we see what this about.” Boom, personal. And I also said Goddamn, however in their particular bio they’d a link with their internet site, then again they’d the ats regarding cook web page for the bistro which they work for, so definitely we moved there and I also’m love, fine, so this is the bistro. They are like head chef there, obviously they will be tagged somewhere in the images.


Christina:

Correct.


Shelli:

So I quickly went back to the woman page, checked the woman photograph, I found myself like, i believe I managed to get some just who this is. After that went over to the cafe page, positively found this lady, next hit right up those tagged images.


Christina:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).


Shelli:

Whereby her friends tag the woman in, and I also just kept going through the cafe’s web page until i came across adequate photos where I was like, “Yeah, I would make out to you,” following We returned for the DM and I had been like, “Oh, so let me know a lot more!” Like, I don’t know every thing currently.


Drew:

Incredible.


Christina:

This will be wonderful.


Shelli:

Yeah, it’s a great game. Yeah, a sapphic sleuth, for a moment. I love it.


Christina:

I completely will, please see Shelli’s spinoff podcast,

Sapphic Sleuths.

Cannot wait a little for that.


Shelli:

Legitimate with love, if everyone was to transmit me personally things like, “Oh, this individual’s blocked.” Baby, I Obtained you. I want to make it easier to, I got you, 15 minutes. ten minutes, ten bucks. I got you.


Christina:

Is sold with a tagline and everything, i enjoy it. Drew, what is your own MO? Like, what exactly is your own vibe? How-do-you-do this?


Drew:

On Instagram?


Christina:

Yeah.


Drew:

Yeah, hm, that’s an extremely fantastic question. I feel like I absolutely don’t follow straight back unless somebody is not exclusive, that’s been generally speaking how I function. I’m not sure, it just seems — you’re right, it’s low stakes in the sense that, I am not sure. If someone else’s hot and they follow me personally in addition they seem cool, i shall follow all of them straight back, but i am going to additionally say for the reason that — this is so ridiculous because We have like 4,000 followers or something, it is not, i actually do not need a lot of supporters, but because Autostraddle is available in a specific world from inside the gay internet, I’ve had are a bit more… I’m not sure, there’s a vibe that i could grab, I think sometimes, of whether I’m… I believe like you’re doing all your own situations, you are hot, you are cool. Also, that’s probably which I would be into, is actually anyone who has their life and is also carrying out their particular things. And it also does not feel a fan thing?


Christina:

Just.


Drew:

For the reason that it just reaches dynamics that i have learned never operate. It does not {mean that|imply that|sig